Conflicted

I don’t particularly like Macon. What he stands for and what he believes in is an admirable cause, but I just can’t get behind is execution. It starts out with the muggings. His black nationalist speech at the end does help his case in some ways I suppose, but I can’t imagine that these terrified white men at gunpoint were listening to his rant.

It expands to his comparisons. Malcolm X? Really? He was a recognized civil rights leader. As Marie mentioned in class, Macon can’t even get people interested in his poetry. Malcolm X’s whole idea was that he was not against violence when violence was inflicted on him first. Not really seeing that with Macon. For me, his incredibly arrogant demeanor detracts from his hard work.

It’s also hard to see where exactly he’s coming from. It’s easy to get behind the fight against racism, but it’s hard for me to tell if his fascination with black people, hip hop, etc. is all just a part of his personality, or a weird almost immersion experience to help him move further from his white privilege.

For now, I’m still unclear on Macon’s motives, and don’t see him as a hero quite yet.

Ma's suicide attempt and her re-introduction to normalcy

"Room" is narrated from Jack's perspective, making it hard to see Ma's true feelings throughout this difficult transition. We tend to focus on Jack's transition to the world, as it seems hardest for him, since he's never seen anything outside of Room. But looking deeper into Ma's struggles, it becomes clear how hard the transition is actually hitting Ma.
We first see Ma struggling during the interview. With demeaning and rude questions being thrown at her by the big haired interviewer, and Ma's credibility as a parent being thrown into question, it was seemingly natural for her to be "gone" the next day. Ma's parenting abilities were what kept her literally alive in Room. She didn't take her life because she had to be a good mother to Jack. Though this isn't the only thing that leads to her overdose, it is a cause and effect. Ma's suicide attempt shows her struggle, though we had been focusing on Jack's.
As we see Ma come back after her suicide attempt and Jack's week alone come to an end, we get the scene of them moving into the Independent Living. The scenes where Jack has rug, and Ma tolerates it shows strength on her part.
But what really shows Ma's strength is the fact that she is willing to go back to Room, the place where so many awful things happened to her, just to let Jack have closure. We see her struggling when she vomits outside the shed, and we can only imagine how she feels seeing her miscarriages child's grave. But the fact that she perseveres through this mental pain, shows her heroism.

Why we should cut Jack some slack

At points in this section, I have admittedly become increasingly annoyed with Jack. His reactions to Ma’s stories of Outside, in particular, seem incredibly disrespectful and rude. But at the same time, I have to remind myself that Jack is just a five year old boy trying to wrap his head around the world. Part of me is just like, “listen to Ma!!”, but the other part of me knows he is, and knows he’s incredibly confused and overwhelmed.

Looking at this from Ma’s perspective though, it must be so hard for her to not have anyone to talk to about her past life for seven years. And now she does, as she tries to explain to Jack her childhood, but he’s in disbelief, trying to get her to stop, and telling her she’s silly, etc. It’s a natural response to overwhelming situations, to shut them down, but looking at how Ma must feel definitely makes Jack seem more irritating.

I’ve been thinking about why we all seem to find some of Jack’s mannerisms irritating. I have come to the conclusion that it’s because of his selfishness. As a five year old, that selfishness is usually manifested in different ways that a strong mother-son bond. But for Jack, he doesn’t really have anything else to cling to. At times, I forget Jack is so young, simply because he’s our narrator. Being only five years old, it’s natural for him to be a bit selfish and act young, because he is. I just wish at some points he’d just listen, and stop talking, because some of the things he says must really hurt Ma, though of course he doesn’t realize this.

Visualizing Room

Emma Donoghue’s “Room” is a chilling picture. An 11x11 space, housing two people, a kitchen, a bed, and a table, with the only light source being a skylight. Though I know that’s small, I still couldn’t picture the size.

So on Saturday, I set out to figure out exactly how Room would feel. I used our tape measure to see how my own bedroom would measure up to Room. My walls were about 16 by 20. By my calculations I could fit about 2.6 Rooms inside my own bedroom.

Though this idea was already insane, I still wanted to find a room that better fit the dimensions of the actual Room from the book. So I went to our guest room. Our guest room is connected to the separate office, so the actual bedroom is pretty small. So I measured the walls. 11 by 13. Pretty close.

But then I tried to picture living in this singular room. I tried to imagine fitting not only a bed, which already felt a tad cramped, but then a kitchen and a dining room table. Once I made space for all the amenities of Room, I realized just how cramped Ma must feel.

Measuring Room gave me a newfound respect for Ma. Though Ma could just lay in bed all day and feel claustrophobic and depressed, she still remains so patient with Jack. Ma’s ability to entertain a 5 year old in an 11 by 11 room is actually incredible.

There’s a cool online “Room” if you too want to visualize it (without actually spending an hour measuring your own house): http://www.roomthebook.com/inside/

So Smithy's not fat anymore...

Should this change the way we see him? Was that McLarty's intention? It seems unlikely that his extreme weight loss and "quest" were a coincidental addition to the plot. Though he is riding 2,970 miles, the weight loss didn't necessarily need to happen. Or be spotlighted. And yet it is.

The fact that two large milestones are so coincidental seem to me to be no accident. I think that McLarty used the weight loss as a more physical representation of the change that Smithy is going through on his journey.

Throughout his 2,970 mile ride from East Providence, Rhode Island, to Los Angeles, CA, he changes significantly. Not just in terms of his size. Smithy has begun to eat (and enjoy) healthy foods again. He's jumped back into reading. He's discovered new things about himself (that he enjoys talking to people, that he loves Norma, etc). And all of these things would not have happened if he stayed at his riveting job at the toy factory.

These huge changes are hard to convey in writing. I'm actually having trouble describing the changes I see in Smithy. And yet, they're still there. Just because I can't put them into words doesn't change that. Smithy's personality, tendencies, emotions, ideas, ethics, morals, and so much more have changed over this journey.

Those are kind of hard things to describe. So why not put those huge changes into something physical? McLarty uses Smithy's weight loss to "personify" the changes we see in other areas of his life. As Smithy grows as a person, we see his waistline shrinking. This direct correlation makes the other larger changes easier to see and observe.

How I pictured the cast of "As I Lay Dying"

In a post Faulkner and physics midterm stupor, I decided to watch James Franco's adaptation of As I Lay Dying this afternoon. I actually thoroughly enjoyed Franco's melodramatic yet beautifully done film, with the exception of a few of the casting choices.

JEWEL
First off, I did NOT picture him with a beard. Not at all! I actually pictured him to be more of a James Franco looking guy. If Darl and Jewel's actors had switched, that might have felt a little more right. But, if I got to choose who played Jewel, I would pick Tom Hiddleston.

Obviously a bit of a more rugged edged version of him, but still. The full faced beard on Jewel felt very off. A little facial hair, like pictured here, feels a little more similar to how I imagined him while reading the book.

DARL
James Franco is a great actor. He is awesome in certain roles (including the director's chair!) but as Darl, I wasn't a fan. I pictured Darl as more of a Mark Ruffalo.

So, James Franco and Mark Ruffalo look pretty similar. But I just feel like there's this little glint in Mark Ruffalo's eye that would have really brought out Darl's "crazy" side. I can just picture Mark Ruffalo urging Dewey Dell to leave her cakes behind, or nagging Jewel about who his father is.

DEWEY DELL 
I thought that the casting for Dewey Dell was okay, except for I thought Ahna O'Reilly seemed a bit too old. Plus, I just kind of pictured Dewey Dell as Louisa Wendorff the entire time.

Granted, Louisa Wendorff is not an actress. She's a YouTube based singer (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYkYHhlXH9U). Oddly enough, throughout the novel I just pictured Dewey Dell to look like Louisa. I thought Ahna O'Reilly (and the entire cast) did an excellent job, she just wasn't quite how I imagined it.

ADDIE
I pictured Addie as this beautiful woman, far out of Anse's league. Not that Beth Grant isn't lovely, but I just somehow pictured Addie to look like J.K. Rowling.

Don't ask me why. I have no legitimization for this one.

Overall, I thought the casting of As I Lay Dying was really well done. Of course, reading the novel first, I developed early judgements on how I pictured certain characters, so I just thought it would be fun to express those! Did you guys picture certain people/actors portraying any of the Bundrens?

Abortion and Pregnancy in the 1920s

By this point, I think we are all aware that many members of the Bundren family have more selfish reasons for wanting to go into town than to bury Addie with her family. Anse wants teeth, Cash wants a record player, and Dewey Dell wants something she's not entirely sure how to ask for; an abortion. 
Dewey Dell's pregnancy and intention of abortion may seem mundane to us. Pregnancy now is a typically safe 9 months, where the expecting mother goes to the doctor for routine check ups, and can even see the child using ultrasound technology. But, Dewey Dell is not living in the 21st century. She is living in the 1920s. So what would her experience with abortion and pregnancy be like? 
In the 1920s being a single, unmarried mom was not acceptable. Obviously it's not seen in the best light currently either, but back then there were no safe options for adoption or abortion. Dewey Dell is not going to be able to just walk into a clean clinic and have this procedure done. 
Between the late 1800s and 1900s, abortion was illegal. That did not stop millions of women to seek them. A study from 1932 estimated that about 15,000 female deaths per year were caused by complications of illegal abortions. Most deaths were not from the actual abortion itself, but from complications afterwards such as infection and hemorrhaging. Illegal abortions accounted for approximately 14% of pregnancy related deaths.  
While abortion was illegal, many wildly unsafe means were used to attempt to get rid of an unwanted child. One slightly disturbing one was women inserting metal coat hangers into their vagina in an attempt to cause an abortion. 
By the 1930s, abortion was beginning to be widespread. Granted, there were still risks involved, given the lack of drugs such as penicillin until after World War II. Even when abortion was illegal, many trained doctors and nurses opened clinics despite the law, and preformed an estimated 2,000 relatively safe abortions. 
History lesson aside, what would Dewey Dell had have to go through? Granted, we'll probably find out later in this book, but speculating based upon history, an abortion could go many ways for a pregnant woman in the 1920s. If she's lucky, there could be a safe-ish illegal abortion clinic. If she's not? She could end up in the back alley with a coat hanger. 
The terrifying reality of child birth and femininity in As I Lay Dying is that Addie's attitude towards child bearing (a less than positive one) seems to have been passed down to Dewey Dell and the rest of the Bundrens. With Dewey Dell not receiving medical attention and adequate food on this long journey, there is definitely a high risk of complication for her pregnancy. 

(Also my apologies for the weird white background on the text. I have no idea what I did.)